Psilocybin, or ‘shrooms’, is a recreational drug containing psychoactive properties that alter the brain’s chemistry, inducing hallucinations, or ‘trips’. 

The use of such properties in music is not a unique idea. Plenty of great music has been created through the use of psychedelics.

But listening to music while using these drugs adds a different level of complexity. Pairing a subjective art with a drug that varies for everyone creates ‘trips’ unlike others, and are often times hard to describe.

So naturally, I’ll try and explain mine.

4 Months Prior

The previous summer was a long and difficult one. I was trying to balance three jobs with a social life and a worsening mental state. My friends moved back home while I stayed in my college town for the summer and I felt very isolated. A friend of mine had passed later in the summer, and with senior year approaching, grief and anxiety touched everyday life.

Music, however, was the silver lining during that period.

The semester was a blur. I felt more like myself but there were still lingering feelings of uncertainty and melancholy. These feelings were ignored, as men tend to do, a topic that I’ll touch on later.

My friend had suggested taking shrooms a few months prior, and I’d never seriously considered taking them. I’d been interested but ultimately too scared, for one reason or another. Mixing psychedelics and a not-so-great head space seemed like a bad idea.

But the semester was almost over, and with a cabin trip in late November, it was either then or never.

The morning of, I was once again nervous, but decided to do them before I talked myself out of it. I thought the best way to do it was put a jacket on, walk outside and listen to music. (Great idea btw, this is the way to go.) 

After 30 minutes I started to feel their effect, and felt the need to sit. I picked a spot against the biggest tree on the property overlooking the surrounding woods. (Again, great idea, this is the way to go.) 

It was nice to have some alone time, something that I’d been avoiding for the past 6 months. But my trip didn’t really start until I turned on Landmark, the first studio LP from Hippo Campus, and my favorite album.

The Album (while tripping)

If you want to turn on the album now and listen along, maybe even take shrooms, I’m not stopping you. I had fun. Be safe.

“Sun Veins” begins the journey. With pulsating synths, pops of tv static, and dull spoken lyrics, it puts you on edge for a brief moment.  The simple verses, in hindsight, gave me awareness to pay closer attention to the songs that followed. I felt my perception starting to slip. 

An angelic transition cut harshly by a 2 beat snare, led into “Way it Goes.” The eclectic word choice in the lyrics seemed fitting; I couldn’t really describe what I was seeing with ordinary words. “It’s cool, but lord knows you’re trying” and “That’s the way it goes, we’re all just one step away from crying” seemed oddly fitting to my life at the time. The psychedelic guitar and synths mixed well with the drugs. The bridge and the layered, echoing vocals hit me hard, starting my visuals.

“Vines” had previously been a favorite of mine, so hearing the upbeat tempo and optimistic energy quickly relaxed my body. Lyrics like “Running through the cold air, searching for a meaning” described my setting. I started to feel connected to each instrument, listening to the music from a new perspective. It reminded me of the nature I was lucky to be in, and happy tears started to form.

“Epitaph” immediately brought out internal doubt with the first lyric “I’m blind, afraid.” I’d been feeling doubtful of a forming relationship as well as myself during the semester. I was about to graduate and I still wasn’t ready. But the heartfelt lyrics put me at ease and made me come to reality in a way. “I need nothing more than my problems,” although not sang by me, was an inner dialogue I was having with myself. 

It was at this point I started to cry. I’d never confronted myself, especially not in this way. The trip mixed with the music brought out vulnerability that wasn’t common in me, or common amongst most men. 

A Note On Mental Health

Opening up is hard. Emotional vulnerability is even harder for men. Multiple reports across the US and the UK state that nearly 40% of men will not talk about their feelings in any capacity, even though 77% of them report feeling some form of stress, anxiety, or depression.

But it shouldn’t have to wait until June to talk about men’s mental health. Men shouldn’t have to seek the use of substances to feel comfortable to speak up. We shouldn’t feel ashamed to need help. But the stigma of sharing personal journeys when it comes to mental health, especially amongst men is so frowned upon. This must change.

There are so many resources out there, but we as a society need to be more compassionate and understanding. We need to do more to communicate the importance of these resources.

These resources come in all shapes and sizes. They could be anything! It’s so important to realize that any art form, hobby, or thing of personal enjoyment, does not have to stay defined by what your friends think is cool, what critics say is good, or even how the artist intends it. If it helps you, you should feel comfortable to explore it, and not be afraid to speak up.

Music was mine. And maybe that’s one of my favorite things about Landmark. Sure, it’s an unreal album. But it helped me through a really hard period in my life. I finally had been forced into a situation where I had to confront my struggles instead of avoiding them. I also credit my upward trend in mental health to my friend, who decided to join me under the tree for the rest of both the album and my trip.

You are not alone.

Back to the Album

Frustration turned to relief as the joyful lyrics and gentle acoustic of “Simple Season” rang. The whistling in between choruses gave me glimpses of a childlike spring time, a peaceful memory portrayed by swirling kaleidoscopes and bright shapes when I closed my eyes. “New God lost in the struggle, one more night in the backyard” reminded me all too much of my looming next chapter in life. I was so focused on the uncertainty of the future that I had forgotten to enjoy the moment.

“Tuesday” speaks on how some days are just ‘Tuesdays’ and how some days are the ‘best day(s)x of my life’. The bridge describes the yearning for love, for more than boring days. I perceived lyrics like “I want to love you, I want to know you” to be talking to myself.

“Western Kids” was a break from personal relation, and a song I could just enjoy. It had an upbeat nature and a catchy chorus that let me soak in the visuals without much thought. Looking back, one can draw connections from the lyrics to the music video, in the fact that everyone is trying to show off on social media. “The age of excess”, a lyric in the chorus, seemingly describes social media.

It’s interesting to see how this is so accurate in today’s society, particularly with kids and young adults, and contributes to poor mental health. Young people see others ‘doing well’ on socials, get down on themselves, but fail to realize all the negative aspects that go into that lifestyle. They chase the ‘perfect’ life that in reality, doesn’t exist. It’s important for us to think about how what gets posted may not be synonymous to what is happening in real life.

A reversed guitar track and a deep, yet audible, baseline drive the beginning of “Poems”. The verses describe the journey of Mary, a girl with goals she’d do anything to achieve. The chorus, however, is simple: “la, la, la,” sang boldly, representing the outside noise that drowns out your own unique way of thinking. The second verse’s hard hitting electric guitar and the children singing in the bridge, aided by the effect of the mushrooms, was the most beautiful combination of visuals and sounds that I’d probably ever had. I’d cried out of sheer amazement. This was the peak of my trip.

“Monsoon” was perhaps the most difficult song to comprehend during my trip. The inherent sadness of the song was not hard to miss. This song is very clearly about loss, something I’d experienced in the summer. I’d cried before, but I don’t think I’d ever processed it until then. And oddly, there were no more tears to cry. I remember trying to be still and just take in the lyrics. “Chin held shut so my heart could talk louder” summed it up perfectly. 

I wasn’t the closest with who’d passed, I wish I was. But he inspired me to pursue doing things I wouldn’t have previously done. His legacy brought me closer to the people I care deeply about, including my friend who was still with me, listening to the album. We talked for a little while the song played out, I don’t remember what about.

“Vacation”, with a low tempo, lifts the somber mood of the album. This had been my favorite song on the album before, and the second line literally says “I’m dropping hallucinogens to find serene with oak and cedar.” I mean… come on. I was happy, calm. And I’d forgotten what that had felt like. The grass swayed like a stadium full of people, watching me as if I was on stage performing the album myself. I could see their faces, and they were happy to see mine. “Your friends are all waiting,” the chorus sang. It reminded me I have people in my life who care.

The frantic drums of “Boyish” reinvigorated my trip, as I felt I was sobering up the song prior. I personally couldn’t relate to the topic of this song: divorce. But I had visuals of family members, and how interactions, both good and bad, between them, shaped me and my life. 

“Interlude” acted as the polar opposite to “Sun Veins”. “Interlude” contained no lyrics, and took shape as the exit sign of the album. The same pops of TV static led into a frightening whir that increased in volume until the abrupt end of the song that picks up by the immediate beginning of “Buttercup”.

“Buttercup” was Landmark’s goodbye. The sudden start of the song cut into my trip, almost bringing me back to reality. Had I been imagining the previous 45 minutes? The first line of the song, “I’ll be fine on my own she said, I don’t need you inside my head” was like I was talking to my doubt, fear, and anxiety. “Give ‘em hell, give ‘em teeth like you taught me” was giving me the encouragement I needed to move on. “Swing, sucker swing, finish sobbing” told me to pick myself up and carry on. My visuals had stopped and suddenly I was standing, dry eyed, and mentally drained. But lighter.

My friend and I went back into the house, and I felt, finally, lighter.

My Thoughts

When recalling my experience, writing how I felt, it was like I experienced it again, trip and all, for the second time. 45 minutes of music summarized 6 months. 6 months finally put behind me.

It would be easy to say that the shrooms opened my mind. It would be easy to say my surroundings aided them. But was it just their presence? Was it the company I kept? The setting and frame of mind I found myself in? Maybe I’ll never be able to fully decide. Maybe it was the shrooms, but it was certainly the music that brought color back into my surroundings. And while I wouldn’t recommend (nor not recommend) others to take shrooms and listen to music, I’m happy with the way it turned out.

This album made, and continues to make me cry, laugh, jump up and down, and curl up in a ball. Each lyric in every song had the words I could never quite find. But I had never experienced music like that before. This album changed my life for the better, something I have found music capable of time and time again.

My final note is for anybody struggling with their mental health: if you are experiencing depression, anxiety, or even a down period in life, you are not alone. You have people, whether professional or not, around you. If you are struggling with mental health, please, please talk to someone.